Some personal rules for silent meals:
1. Take something from each dish that is offered.
2. Take equal helpings of each dish.
3. Eat everything you take.
4. Take only what can be eaten before second helpings is passed.
5. Do not be the last one eating.
The grapes were my downfall. I figured a little sprig of grapes would be easy to get down. Not so. How naive am I at life that I have never eaten, nor am able to recognize, nor able to eat with any proficiency--seeded grapes. Those bulbous purple bastards, it took me some time to even figure out what was happening. What is this crunchy thing? There is something horrible in the grape! It slowly dawned on me. If I had not decided to eat them last, I could have paced myself, allowing time to develop a method. Too late! My frantic tongue twisted the grape against my teeth, trying to extract the cursed seed; but to no avail. Each time, the skin separated and the juicy innards clung to the seed like glue. Eventually, I resorted to shoving my fingers in my mouth (which is not something you can do subtly) and gnashing with my front teeth.
After only managing 5 or 6 grapes, I slumped back in my chair, defeated. Rules 3, 4, and 5; abandoned.
No comments:
Post a Comment